Monthly Archives: February 2012
Finding the answers
Clients want answers. I want answers. We all want answers! It is a given that we are curious to find out what is going on within us. And I’ll say something that one is probably not supposed to say as a therapist, “I wish I DID have the answers” perhaps better said: I wish I had the ability to quickly allow other people to find the exact answers they want for themselves. I really do. I wish I had THE right answer for each person that comes with insight, introspection, and curiosity. I would love to place my magic-therapy-wand (patent pending) upon their heads and grant them the wish of pure personal understanding.
I’m not morally or ethically opposed to the idea of helping this way. The reason being is that I believe that the answers differs for each person. I have yet to see any person exactly match the other in how they come to understanding of themselves and the world around them. That is what is awesome and frustrating about how insight and choice works.
There is no right answer that works for everyone. Even as you read this, there are people who will differ with the premise that there is no specific answer for everyone. See what I mean? What works for you may not work for another. You can have shared values, ideas, and methods of expression and still come to your path in a totally unique way.
So when you come into therapy and hear me tell you that I can’t give you the “right answer” I’m not just pulling out a therapy cliché. It is true. I don’t think that I can nor should provide the answer as to who you are and what you want and how to get there (save the magic wand possibilities now being tested in a secret lab). It is up to each person to dive deep, discover your own personal ethos, and move ahead in the face of it all.
Embrace that you may not have the answers right now… but that part of the adventure is seeking for them!
We are all in transition
Within a therapy sessions, I work with many clients that are transgender and in various stages of transition. There is often an assumption that one has to know exactly who they are and how they want to express as they come to term with their authentic self. I respectfully disagree with this premise.
I’m not sure if I know anyone that feels they are 100% certain of who they are, what they like, and how they want to express themselves. It is possible that those people exist and I would enjoy talking with them. However, I have found that pretty much all of us are in transition.
One doesn’t have be trans, genderqueer, open, poly, into kink, interesex, lesbian, asexual, gay, or lesbian to be confused by the landscape of who you are or are becoming. Those individuals that are in transition have a leg up on everyone else, I will admit. They have the wonderful curiosity of looking at themselves and the world around them outside of tidy little boxes.
Don’t get me wrong, our current societal norms make it a tough road for trans individuals to feel comfortable. However, they have this amazing part of them, that pushes beyond to discover who they are and want to be. How glorious is it to conquer your own preconceived notions, challenge the status quo, and have the courage to live your life openly and fully!
Being transgender requires so much strength, directness, ability to navigate fear,s and live your life in a totally honest way. It isn’t easy to brave the hardship of being rejected or ridiculed…we all are scared of this. Most of us do whatever we can to not openly draw attention to ourselves because we are so afraid of this. And yet, someone in transition has to take on these fears head on daily. Impressive!
This is the point, we are all in transition. We are all a work in progress. We all are learning to tackle our fears as gracefully as possible.
