Monthly Archives: November 2008
I have love the Sweds for as long as I can remember. I was raised on Abba goodness from an early age. The Swedish flag and the Sexual Equality sticker always remind me of one another. Perhaps all this and more has lead me not to be surprised at all that Sweden has gone and figured out how not pathologize those with a differing consensual sexual choices.
Basically the National Board of Health and Welfare in Sweden officially decided to declassify seven sexual behaviors because they felt they were not an illness. The Swedish people will soon be able to engage in sadomasochism, fetishism, and transvestitism with more freedom than ever before. I’d love to throw a little Swedish theme party in honor of such greatness. I have a visions of turning an Ikea into a club for a night. All that pretty furniture could be used for play-party fun.
While I celebrate for my sexual exploration friends in Sweden, I have to wonder if this has any impact at all on Americans. Marty Kline, one of my all time favorite people, has a great little article on this topic. I fear that we as a country are still struggling with the idea of homosexuality that it will be a while before real change occurs in our national outlook on other forms of sexuality.
However, I feel that each one of us can provide a pathway towards understanding and acceptance. You don’t have to be partake in any alternative sexuality to believe that what consenting adults do in their own bedroom is their own business. You can personally talk with another person, assuming the subject comes up, about how it may not be your kind of thing but that it doesn’t make it sick or dangerous.
Differing sexual acts can be scary to those that are not familiar with it. However, like most things in life when something is new it feels a bit anxious provoking. So remember if you have ever spanked someone lightly on the butt during sexual intimacy or perhaps had your hands held down … then you two are engaging in parts of alternative sexual behaviors. Should you be considered immoral, unhealthy, or a danger to others? No… I didn’t think so.
We are all just people looking to explor our own sexuality. Whatever you choose is most likely positive and healthy for you. Let’s try to remember that and embrace our Swedish brothers and sisters as they forge a path towards more openness for the rest of the world.
Turn up the Dancing Queen song by Abba and enjoy yourself!
Remember the Madonna song called “Human Nature”? Sure you do… she is walking around in leather and latex. The video was ever-so-scandalous at the time.
Oh fine, here is the link to the video if you can’t remember.
Anyway, the song came up on my pod the other day and I got to thinking about how great it was motivating a person to be open about their feeling (with their sexuality or otherwise). There is something deep within each one of us that longs for the freedom to be truthful about who we are as a person. We want to be understood and accepted for who we really are at our core.
Deciding to expose the raw parts of your soul can be freeing. So why on earth wouldn’t each one of us want to just spill our deepest secrets to someone we trust? It is a scary thing to share your most intimate thoughts and feelings even if they are not about sexual desires.
The main issue though is this little-big thing called rejection. It is human nature (idea pun intended) for each one of us to fear the risk of being mocked, ridiculed, or even pushed aside. The moment you share who you are is the moment you stand for something. In that very second you will find that someone you care about intensely either shares your views, disagrees with your views, or something in between. That risk can feel terrifying. We don’t want to lose the person we love so often we keep the most personal parts of who we are to ourselves.
Everything around us will tell us that our people want to know who we _really_ are but in reality they could just as easily decide they don’t like who we really are and leave. It is natural for us to want to minimize that chance. But yet… we long and crave to be understood. We want to know that the person we share our life with fully understands us (even if they can not full accept).
Here is where things get tricky. We are fearful of rejection so we do not share yet we bemoan the fact that our partner doesn’t understand us. We set up the very pattern that keeps us from drawing closer. I will not pretend that each one of us takes a big risk in sharing our truest feelings…. you could lose your partner. However, as cliche as it sounds, was that someone you really wanted if when you shared the core part of you they rejected you? The answer may be yes or it may be no … however even that can be part of the growth process.
Assuming you feel that you want a truly open honest relationship with your partner, it is best to face your fear and share. The moment you risk (read: trust) your heart with another person is the moment that the two of you have a huge opportunity to connect on a deeper level. This new creation of intimacy will allow each one of you to feel safer in discussing anything from money problems to sexual desires.
It isn’t easy to be who you are in the face of fear and possible rejection. Yet, I claim your self worth and the potential for deeper trust out weighs any negative that could occur. I know it sounds like a dramatic claim, however I do speak from experience. I have risked it all and found myself alone and I have risked even more and found myself in the best relationship of my life. So in both ends of the spectrum I knew that I was proud of being true to myself.
Risk it… risk being afraid and all the glory that comes with being strong enough to be yourself! It is worth it!